From an Outsider by the Window
It’s a sunny yet not so warm morning in Barcelona. I’m chilling by my window, under the sunlight, with a cup of coffee on the side and my thoughts as my only companions.
In front of me, I have some breathtaking views of the city and the sea. I can hear the noise of cars. People are rushing as always, there’s this exhilarating timeless lifestyle which gives me the feeling that surpasses everybody’s problems and worries. As if nothing beyond each other’s own burdens and problems was actually taking place. This is both overwhelming and relieving, and as in a dystopian society, nobody is worrying about anything other than consuming their lives, setting the perfect scenario to make the society run like clockwork. Meanwhile, I’m here writing all this, as if I was both part of it and an outsider.
Writing has always been a way for me to evade whatever I was overwhelmed with. And who could blame me? It’s simply relaxing to sit and start a dialogue with your troubled self. As if this delusion would serve as a palliative for your anxiety. It just does.
For some people this would be the solution to loneliness, but once you realise how easy it is to find the right balance between the tale of the million smiles and the legend of the hermit, the epiphany strikes and the act of writing becomes your brand-new designed drug. You just start to need your fix every now and then. And as I’m feeling it right now, your heart starts beating faster, your breath abandons you for a second and the sensation of excitement travels around your body as if a hitchhiker were doing so. All of it, because I found the right words and I captured them in the correct disposition in order to depict the idea that was wandering around my head. It doesn’t last for long, but it compensates for my time and effort, at least until the next shot.
I’ve been sitting here for a while and I think the need for chatting with me has vanished for some time. Paraphrasing The Ink Spots, I’ve had enough of “my echo, my shadow and me”. But as said, just for a while. The need to write always comes back. It’s the best way to deal with your apprehension. It’s a glimmer of light in the surrounding darkness. And I bet these days it’s needed. Evade yourself by putting your thoughts together and gently commission your next symphony. You, my international fellow, surely have something to say, I know you have many stories to share. No matter what your background is, or how rookie you are in the noble art of writing, we both know how intense your life has been so far. All the million thoughts you may have, everything that is keeping you awake, the good and the bad things, release it all and seize the power of this particular dialogue. Don’t be afraid to put your feelings on paper. Write about your international experience. The way you see your Erasmus dorm right now, from your window, how your friends look when you make a joke, the feeling of talking in a different language. Put it all in writing so you will never forget it.
Don’t let this ticking time bomb reach the final explosion, but enjoy the little ones that can bring you joy and free you from your sorrow. Take your pen, your pencil or even your laptop and write everything you’re thinking about right now. Write it out loud.
It’s time for me to come back to Mother Earth and to stop being an outsider for the time being. I’m looking forward to the next time I need a fix.